Getting my Bump and Grind on

Once more, it’s not what you think. And I’ve never been a first-thing-in-the-morning person - for that, anyway.

Not quite halfway up the B&G, trail in the foreground, Rancho Mirage beyond.

The Bump and Grind is actually a hiking trail on the border of Palm Desert and Rancho Mirage, quite close to where I live. While it is within walking distance (about a mile) of my place, I usually drive there because I get up later than I want to and end up rushing to get there before the day gets too warm. The hike has a 1,000 foot elevation gain (my ears usually pop a couple times on the way up and down) and is a good 1.8 miles up and 1.8 miles down, but I’m not sure if it’s that far from where I start. Takes me about 45 minutes to get up, and about 20 to get back down again.

Don’t ask me why the trail is named the Bump and Grind. Other names for it are The Mirage Trail, Desert Drive Trail, Patton Trail (because some people say it was built by General Patton’s troops), Desert Mirage Trail, and the ever-popular Dog Poop Trail. Actually, it’s not the Dog Poop Trail anymore because dogs have been banned from the trail in recent years to preserve endangered species habitat, including that of the Peninsula Big Horn Sheep. I’ve met a couple dogs along the way, but their people assure me that they speak fluent English and usually walk on two legs, so are not considered canine. Of course.

The cool thing about hiking in the Valley is that all the mountain systems are fault lines. The Bump and Grind is located in the San Jacinto range, where the Pacific plate slides under the North American plate. I’ve also hiked up onto the San Andreas fault, which sounds a lot scarier than it is.

But the B&G is an urban hiking trail, and since the distance is so manageable, those who crave a good cardio workout are regulars. I’ve also noticed that the women who I see into regularly on the trail have great legs and butts. Not that I’m looking that close, but, you know, I’m just sayin’.  I look at the path as a much more interesting extended version of a StairMaster. The vantage point from the top is fabulous – overlooks the whole valley. And even though the track is well-traveled, I can count on having large stretches to myself if I get there by 7 a.m. at the latest.

Teens and 20-somethings that (attempt to) do the trail are the most fun to watch, and usually easy to spot. Often I seem them in couples, sometimes by themselves with ipods plugged in their ears but still loud enough to hear 10 feet away. (Really quite annoying. I don’t get people who go out by themselves but have music blasting in their ears.) Today I saw a young girl, maybe 18, Latino, deeply tanned, white flip-flops, a belly button ring sparkling from between the waistband of her white low-cut short-shorts and a oversized cut-off shirt (Flash Dance, anyone?).  One hand resting on her jutting hip, she gesticulated with the other to her silent boyfriend, indignant, out of breath. She had just finished the first 10^th of the trail.  “I don’t get how people do this. I mean, old people!” Her hand swooped to encompass those of us in her vicinity. Uh-huh. I’ll kick your ass on this trail anytime, young lady.